my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I got inside last night via doggy door
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A+ Viking dick
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
