yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
