break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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