she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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