and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
