to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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