Banned from zoo.
Again?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
