So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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