call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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