Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize