You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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