just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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