the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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