I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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