her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
