Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
