You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize