i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
