if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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