Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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