peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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