Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
