genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
