escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Floor bacon is actually really good
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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