i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
