just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
