i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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