Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
