1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
