Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
