you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
