Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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