I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
