I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
