Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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