i barfeds in our rink
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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