I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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