duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
