We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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