Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
