I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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