this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
