we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
