I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
