I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
