I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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