Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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