i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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