U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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