operation harelip BJ is a go
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
