Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
