just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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