I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
