He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
