You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
