I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
