mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize