I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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