but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just high enough for therapy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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