His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
