Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
