I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
