I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
