Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
