the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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