We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
