Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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