well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
