You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
