oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
