wanna go halves on a baby?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize