I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
