Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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