I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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